I don't know whoever still reads this, but I decided to make a secluded update.

Nick broke up with me.
It was more of a mutual thing, he just ended it.


I'm glad we did because I'm currently seeing a great guy named Sean.

He's smart, charming, funny, mature, a drummer (gotta love those musicians), and did I mention..he's absolutely adorable?

Such a weak update.

But if you want to know more about it, just mail me on Myspace.

We all have our bad qualities.
Our undesirable traits.
Our little "quirks".

My temper, which seems to implode at the worst times. My selfishness, where I feel that people owe something to me, especially the ones that I'm closest too. My sharp tongue, that always seems to get me into the worst of trouble and make people in the worst of moods. My uncontrollable glare, which seems to becoming a certain trademark for me. And my everlasting attitude of convincing myself that I'm never in the wrong. I do all these things because I know family will still love me, friends will still be my companion, and boys will still dote over me.

I am Queen.

But where has my King gone?

Well, see..he got tired of all the Queen's shit. He was tired of the Queen yelling, fighting, complaining, criticizing, and every other terrible thing that Queen feels fit to do.

The Queen sat in silence while the King left his thrown.

You can't do this to me! I'm the Queen! You need me! How dare you leave me, I'm the Queen! Without you, you're nothing! NOTHING! Go ahead, walk away but don't come crying back to me! I'll find another King, you'll see! He'll be that much more handsome, more understanding, more charming! And then what will you do!

But the King did not care.

And the Queen was more furious. But her rage turned into sadness. Sadness turned into depression. Not feeling like her heiness self anymore, all she could do was climb back on her throne. And cry..and cry..and cry.

For once in her life, she finally knew how she need the King. How much she missed him. How wrong she was. How much she needed to change her Queen-like ways.

How for once in her life, out of the many men..this man was King. For once in her life, the Queen had been rejected despite her oh-so-royal status.

And she felt like begging. Tugging at his clothes begging him to come back home.

And for once in his life, the King was unsure.

The Queen promised to better herself. To not be so controlling, and let the King rule the city with her by her side. They decided to start over as if it were when they first met, long before they became royalty. They decided to kiss a little long, laugh a little longer, and enjoy life just a little bit more.

And they sat on their thrones, marvelling at their beautiful country. The Queen looked over at her King and couldn't have picture an even more wonderful ruler. And neither could he.

And as so the story goes, they lived happily ever after..obstacles and all.

The wheels are turning but there's no destination.
I'm stuck in a place that I know I will have to be for a very long time.

A man approached me in supermarket.

"Parle italiano?"
(I have no idea how he knew I was Italian..)

"Si."

He chuckles. He looks at my tattoo, and begins to say "You know you are a very beautiful girl..you don't need to adorn your body with ink."

Well, thank you.

"How old are you, my dear?"

"Twenty."

"Oh wow. So..you're ready."

I knew what he meant. He meant I was ready for a serious relationship. With pride I replied, "Yes, I am!." But coming home that day, I felt like maybe my boyfriend did not feel the same.

This is how it starts. The girlfriend "itch."

Every where you look. Everywhere you hear..

We're married. We live together. We're engaged. We have a dog named CoCo, he's our baby. I'm pregnent. Do you like my ring? I can't wait for our wedding day. Honey, what do you think of this duvet in our bedroom?

These are people who are your age, even younger. You feel like the odd one out. A step above living single. In ways you'd rather be single because at least you're not..stuck You feel like you are always going to be just that. A girlfriend. When will you become..a roommate? Soon..a fiance? Then..a wife? Mother?

I'm just a girlfriend. Just one of the guys. An accessory to hold in his hand. To buy dinner for. To make love to. To turn to. To make plans with. Plans that just involve...being a girlfriend.

..And your boyfriend doesn't even want to move in with you soon..

We'll fight all the time. How are we going to afford it? We won't even see eachother anyway, we'll both be going to school and working. You know how my parents feel about the fact of us sleeping in the same bed together.

So this is how it starts.

I...play the part of the itching girlfriend who wants more.

While he..plays the part of the scared boyfriend who feels he'll be tied down his whole life?

Well, fuck you. Fuck you for your wonderful life being a fiance, and having a future husband who will be a lawyer, so you can tend to the kids all day and do your daily yoga routine. And fuck you, to that couple living in that posh condo in San Diego while your dog CoCo sleeps in between you two every night. And fuck you to the girl who gets the princess cut diamond ring, only in the finest platinun and grade that sparkles in every color spectrum seen with the human eye. Fuck you to couple with the comfy duvet.

No matter how many fuck you's I feel like giving..I'm still just a girlfriend. And that's all I'll ever be..for a long time. I don't want to go into details why...just believe me.

In Cosmo, I read an article called "Why Men Can't Resist A Bitch." As much as I hate (or secretly love) to admit it, it sounded a lot like myself.

There's a fine line between asking for too much and being selfish.

I just need to know where that line is...

My preggo friend is here. I can't wait to see her tomorrow. But she's downtown. I hate being in downtown las vegas. It's smelly.

I love the new department I'm in. So much better. A woman bought $350 worth in bras at the last minute. I've changed from Miss Thang to 1# Ass Kisser.

I love proving people wrong.

It's official: Nordstrom doesn't like my attitude.

WAHHHHH.

God has a plan for me. It's called being the most stressed out about life that Samantha has ever been in.

First off, work is..hell. Seems to be a repeating topic, but it doesn't seem to get the least bit better. I got a complaint from a customer over MILK. He was cussing, yelling..the whole thing. But the bastard gets a free lunch, and I get in huge trouble because he yelled "If you don't like your job then quit" and I replied "I'm transferring." Then, I got in trouble because I got mad at someone for timing my break with a FUCKING STOPWATCH, and that I was "out of line." Then, a manager mentioned that when I shopped at another nordstrom, I had gotten "frustrated" with her because I didn't know what a "shopping pass" is.

Maybe, I'm just crazy..but all of this is just ridiculous.

I'm warning all of you..if you want to deal with a load of bullshit..work at Nordstrom.

And even though I AM transferring to a different department that is definitely less difficult..my old manager has the nerve to interrupt my training process tomorrow for a "serious" discussion. The same boss who's motto is "Oh, it's just a job."

I'm 20 years old going to college. My priority is my education. I am (or was) working at a FUCKING coffee shop. I do not need this sort of stress at this young of an age.

And you wonder why I want to move back to Seattle so bad.

The only thing that is keeping me from quitting this job is that my new boss is super nice and told me not to worry about anything. If it gets any worse, I'm going to put my two weeks in and fly back to Seattle til Fall Semester at UNLV starts and find another job.

So now I'm going to have to go to sleep, wonder what this "serious" talk is. I'm debating if I should do the Nordstrom way and just nod and smile, or stand up for myself in a rational way like any other civilized human.

Look's like I'm going to have to shut my mouth, because the latter will just get me into even more bullshit of trouble.

Cheers to strong personalities

I felt like someone needed an apology, so I sent one. Knowing that there were feelings of tension (at least on my side), it made me feel better. I wasn't over apologetic, nor did I bring up any past issues. However, I got no reply back.

Now I'm wondering if she's bitter, doesn't care, or somehow the tables have turned? Is apologizing just something that is self serving? To realease the pressure on our back, and look like the bigger person...while at the same rate, spoon feeding the bullshit on behalf of the other person?

Has anyone ever felt this way before?
At least I can say I had the last word.

Well, back in Vegas. Been back since Thursday. Shitty I didn't get to hang out with everyone I wanted to. I'll be back June 14th though, so hopefully I'll see you all.

I recently changed my major. My major is now Interior Architecture and Design. And no, it's not particularly decorating or "interior design" that you see on HGTV, it's actually interior architecture. I know I'm particularly good at drawing, and have always been interested in the concepts of designing buildings and houses so I think this will work for me. However, my advisor told me that "from this point on, it will probably take you 4 years to complete." Although that's not extremely long, it's longer than I had anticipated. So hopefully everything runs smoothly.

Still in the transistion of switching departments at Nordstrom. I'm pretty anxious to transfer, I want/need to make more money.

Yea, that's all for now.
It's almost Nick and I's 1st year. Wow, crazy.